Friday, March 30, 2012

Bjorn Tremayne's Rant on How Vampire's are Depicted as Messy Eaters

Hello, Bjorn Tremayne here. Lorelei has allowed me to take over her blog today to address something that really has got me angry.

You see this? It's this picture of a lovely vampire woman who seems to have a drinking problem. Yes. See all the blood? What a waste!

Really I must confess that if you are trying to sell horror fiction, this is fine. You humans go to such lengths to get a sale, but enough is enough. I must protest! We vampires are not messy eaters! Some of these pictures that I see out there are really appalling depictions of how we actually do enjoy our meals. And it's nothing at all like this!

I know you humans don't go around with soup all over your chins after your repast. People would stare at you and wonder if you were raised in a barn, or a pig sty. You weren't, of course, and neither are we!

We aren't mindless zombies feasting until we're like bloated ticks either.

Oh, and another thing, while I'm on the subject of eating, or feeding, we don't kill humans for food. Not unless there is a purpose behind our killing, that is. Although some rogues have been known to go on feeding frenzies, once in a while... oh, and never mind what happened in the year 929... or the few years after that after my brother and I had been turned and rampaged villages to the south. That is all in the past. It's the new millennium! We wouldn't want to kill that which brings us our nourishment. After all you need to be alive to provide us with blood. Why would we want to kill you all? What would be left to eat? Chickens? Rats? Ick! The last thing I want is rat breath! Or a mouth full of feathers. Besides they don't taste all that good.

And as far as our feeding on humans, we'd like you to come back again and again... Some of you are our favorite vintages. We do have refined tastes when it comes to blood. And some vintages are rare. Killing those of you who have wonderful tasty blood would be the same if someone were to drink a glass of some very rare wine and then breaking the rest of the bottle! What sense does that make?

So, I just wanted to set the record straight. We don't dribble our blood! The idea is to get the blood into our mouths, not running down our chins.

Oh, and before I go I have to pay the bill for taking up space... please check out Lorelei Bell's latest Sabrina Strong Series book, Vampire's Trill.  Also, I'm to tell you that if you buy Vampire's Trill-the paperback-you can get the first book Vampire Ascending free! Contact the blog mistress for more details [loreleibell4(at)gmail(dot)com] I'm outa here!
 

Thank you for your time and I'd love to hear your comments.


Hey, if you'd like to visit Bjorn on facebook you now can!
http://www.facebook.com/BjornTremayneVampireMaster

He would love to hear from you and LIKE his page!

6 comments:

  1. Excellent point, Bjorn. I've always believed vampires much more refined. Those messy eater pictures are for humans with strange fetishes. I prefer a vampire who doesn't stain my linens.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Exactly my dear! Happy to make your acquaintance and keep smiling!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Bjorn, some peeps just don't understand vampires. That's all. I find myself constantly explaining to others what your species is all about.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Thank you, Shelly. Sometimes PR is hard to get through to the humans who try and make us into somethine we're not.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Thank you so much for setting the record straight, Sir! I still wasn't buying it until you mentioned pouring one glass of wine and then breaking the bottle. Now I get it.

    -Jimmy

    ReplyDelete
  6. You're quite welcome, Jimmy. Of course, you understand there have been word of many rogues throughout my realm, and elswhere. They seem to not 'get it'.

    Thank you for stopping by. Have a fantastic week!

    Now that I've arrisin, I'll be taking a hit from one of my favorite vintages. I think Jasmine is free tonight.

    ReplyDelete

Talk To Me...

Customer Reviews... Good, Bad, and Best!

I always cringe when I see a new review has come up on my books. I'm never sure what they will say. Sometimes I am pleasantly surprised,...